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A young man walks through Central Park wearing a T-shirt. It says in bold black letters, “WARNING, I’m not listening.” A touch edgy? Yes. A sign of the times? Maybe. Either way, it may work for a young man, but it won’t for leaders — the power of listening cannot be underestimated.
As Stephen Covey points out in his oft-cited book, The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People, “comparatively few people have had any training in listening at all.” Moreover, as people rise in the ranks, they tend to do more talking and less listening. Perhaps that’s why Habit 5 in Covey’s book is “Seek first to understand, then to be understood.” Read my full article, "The Power of Listening" (via Arden Coaching)
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1. Do it in real time. Semi-annual or annual performance reviews are nice but can’t take the place of prompt, on-the-spot feedback about something that didn’t go well or something that did.
2. Get enough facts so you can provide a context of what happened, with specifics. Generalizations, such as “you never” or “you always” work against you. 3. Focus more on the positives. If someone did something you like, let them know. Humans are hardwired with a negativity bias: We feel the sting of a rebuke more powerfully than the joy of praise. It’s important to overcome that with “I-love-how-you-handled-this” type of comments. 4. Listening is key as much as engaging in a discussion. As a leader, remember that you don’t know or have the solution for everything. Don’t let familiarity, power or position blind you. 5. Be a good role model. A leader might have to make some tough decisions that won’t be welcomed by everyone. But, this leader might be admired, respected, or even trusted. Feedback from such a leader will be heard. Feedback from a leader who is impatient, cynical, opinionated and late for meetings likely won’t be. 6. Ask early for genuine feedback. The higher you rise in the ranks, the harder it is to get honest feedback. People working for you want to please you, not annoy you. In a New York Times article, Leadership Means Learning to Look Behind the Mask, the author thoughtfully talks about the difficulties she had getting good feedback. It wasn’t until she announced her retirement that people felt comfortable giving her their honest assessments. Read my full article, “A Leader Knows How to Give Feedback. True or False?” (via Arden Coaching) Understandably, what’s top of mind right now for most people is the impact of the pandemic, getting a vaccine, the new administration, and the many uncertainties that lie ahead.
In light of this, one leadership attribute which gets put on the back burner is the importance of confidence. Yet, having confidence is key to successfully doing just about anything. It lets you know that when you take off, it may be an adventure, it may be bold and scary, but you know you’ll land it. Confidence impacts: a) How we feel, including our enjoyment of work and feelings of autonomy and agency b) How we act, such as how assertive we are, how we seize opportunities and face risks c) Our relationships and ability to engage with people d) How we communicate. For example, if you lack confidence, you are less likely to speak up in meetings or may use a high voice or giggle which reduces your credibility. With confidence, many hard things seem possible. Without it, taking care of business, let alone the next bold step, is almost impossible. A leader who doesn’t demonstrate confidence in what they say and do — which of course is different from arrogance and intimidation — might as well implement a succession plan immediately. Three Things to Remember 1. Confidence is not a sideshow. Many studies show that having confidence is highly correlated with being successful. People with confidence are more willing to take reasonable risks, take advantage of opportunities and be given opportunities. 2. Lack of confidence can be exhausting, frustrating and depressing Yet, lack of confidence isn’t something you can easily talk about with your colleagues or your friends. 3. You may already be confident, but, there are people around you every day, including supervisors, close colleagues and friends, who are not. Raising your awareness of how others may be feeling will make you a better leader, a better colleague, and a better friend. The Four Behavioral Traits of a Confident Person: Most people can’t swallow a teaspoon of cinnamon, sneeze with their eyes open or wiggle their little toe. If you cannot do these things now, you will never be able to. The good news is that confidence can be learned. 1. People who are confident have a growth mindset. They believe strongly in the power of effort, that people are born to learn and that the mind is like a muscle — the more you work it, the more effort you put in, the smarter you become. Effort matters! Carol Dweck’s excellent book, Mindset: The New Psychology of Success, explains this with compelling research. 2. Confidence requires that we have the courage to act. People often think of courage as being strong or macho. But courage is what allows people to do things even when they don’t feel strong. This short video embodies the idea of taking action despite fear and is worth watching. 3. A confident person has GRIT. Grit is not just about working hard or having self-discipline. It’s about working in a deliberate, focused way over a period of time in pursuit of a goal. Colonel Sanders, the founder of Kentucky Fried Chicken, had grit. At age 62, he set out with $105 to pitch his chicken recipe to restaurants. Over 1,000 people told him he was crazy, but he didn’t give up. That’s grit! See Angela Duckworth’s book, Grit, The Power of Passion & Perseverance for research on the value of grit. 4. A confident person has self-compassion. We live in a success-oriented, achieve-the-next-big-thing world and tend to think of failure as abnormal. But setbacks are part of being human. We misstep on a pitch for a new client, we lose an argument in court, we misread an important change in the market or fail to stay calm. The key lesson is to learn from our mistakes and move on. Like the imposter syndrome, confidence can come and go. It affects people of all types, all ages and all backgrounds, including people in the C-Suite. If you’re feeling a general lack of confidence, it’s worth paying attention to it. You can and should work to develop it and let your best shine through. Success in your work and in life comes in many forms and — with confidence — you’re much more likely to achieve it. The rules of being charismatic, let alone just plain interesting, on a zoom or webex call are not what they used to be when we met in person. Indeed, the rules have shifted dramatically and it's smart to know them! Here's a short read which might help you get the next deal, the next promotion, the next job or the next insight.
Read, "Do You Have E-Charisma on Zoom? Here’s How to Get It" by Ray A. Smith, WSJ (subscription required to read full article) |
Margaret EnloeI'm an executive coach who works with clients on leadership and transition challenges, including retiring with enthusiasm and ease. Blog Categories
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