Turning 30!

Thirty years ago today, our third child was born around 11PM. I realized while eating dinner that it was time to get to the hospital. In fact, the doctor told us to hurry up.

Within a few hours, our daughter was born and she has been a delight ever since - just like her brother and sister before her.

Turning 30 is a big one. Turning 21, 50, or 60 also!  We leave something behind and transition into a new decade, whether we like it or not.

Some of us approach this new "status" lamenting the passage of time, the "what if's" and "why nots." We focus on aging and what we've failed to accomplish. This is Group #1.

Some of us embrace the next years, knowing they won't be perfect, but hopefully will have their share of learning, growth and some adventure. This is Group #2.

If a big birthday is coming up and you fall into Group #2, bravo! Talk about it and inspire others. If you’re in Group #1, maybe it’s time to talk to a professional certified coach.

Please connect with me here or on LinkedIn for a free coaching consultation. We'll focus on what you can control and be clear on what you cannot!

In the meantime, Happy Birthday, Sarah Jane!

​

All great things, like the Parthenon in Athens, a fulfilling career or leading a dynamic team of professionals, require a plan, perseverance and patience.

If you want to achieve something great and it’s not coming together, connect with me for a free consultation.

Together, we'll get your energy and motivation back on track so the "Parthenon" in your life comes to life!

Video by Jonathan Terrio

We hate making mistakes and it’s no wonder. Just look at two definitions:

“Some unintentional act, omission, or error arising from ignorance, surprise…or misplaced confidence.”

“An error in action, calculation, opinion, or judgment caused by poor reasoning, carelessness, insufficient knowledge, etc.”

Putting aside the damning definitions, research suggests that humans have a high addiction to being right; when we persuade others we’re right, our dopamine level goes up. Winning a point, just like winning in sports, makes us feel good. Further, our educational system is rooted in teaching about right and wrong answers; we are rewarded for “correct” answers and learn to avoid, as best we can, the embarrassment of being wrong.

So, while it’s no surprise we hate making mistakes, we rarely live a day without making at least one. Eleanor Roosevelt knew this when she said “learn from the mistakes of others. You can’t live long enough to make them all yourself.”

Hence, we focus on learning from our mistakes. Indeed, every self-improvement book you will ever read addresses this important concept. And, many rules we live by, like buckling seat belts and getting safety instructions before a plane takes off, started with mistakes from which improvements flow.

In April of this year, SpaceX’s Starship rocket exploded in its flight over the Gulf of Mexico. As covered in The New York Times, “The rocket…did not reach orbit but provided important lessons for the private spaceflight company as it worked toward a more successful mission.” That mission is estimated to cost between $2-$10 billion and thus, a lot more mistakes are anticipated!

Read my full article, "We Hate Making Mistakes" to learn five quick tips (via Arden Coaching)

A young man walks through Central Park wearing a T-shirt. It says in bold black letters, “WARNING, I’m not listening.”  A touch edgy? Yes. A sign of the times? Maybe. Either way, it may work for a young man, but it won’t for leaders — the power of listening cannot be underestimated.

As Stephen Covey points out in his oft-cited book, The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People, “comparatively few people have had any training in listening at all.” Moreover, as people rise in the ranks, they tend to do more talking and less listening. Perhaps that’s why Habit 5 in Covey’s book is “Seek first to understand, then to be understood.”
​
Read my full article, "The Power of Listening" (via Arden Coaching)
 

1.   Do it in real time. Semi-annual or annual performance reviews are nice but can’t take the place of prompt, on-the-spot feedback about something that didn’t go well or something that did. 
2.   Get enough facts so you can provide a context of what happened, with specifics. Generalizations, such as “you never” or “you always” work against you. 
3.   Focus more on the positives. If someone did something you like, let them know. Humans are hardwired with a negativity bias: We feel the sting of a rebuke more powerfully than the joy of praise. It’s important to overcome that with “I-love-how-you-handled-this” type of comments.
4.   Listening is key as much as engaging in a discussion. As a leader, remember that you don’t know or have the solution for everything. Don’t let familiarity, power or position blind you.
5.   Be a good role model. A leader might have to make some tough decisions that won’t be welcomed by everyone. But, this leader might be admired, respected, or even trusted. Feedback from such a leader will be heard. Feedback from a leader who is impatient, cynical, opinionated and late for meetings likely won’t be. 
6.   Ask early for genuine feedback. The higher you rise in the ranks, the harder it is to get honest feedback. People working for you want to please you, not annoy you. In a New York Times article, Leadership Means Learning to Look Behind the Mask, the author thoughtfully talks about the difficulties she had getting good feedback. It wasn’t until she announced her retirement that people felt comfortable giving her their honest assessments. 
 
Read my full article, “A Leader Knows How to Give Feedback. True or False?” (via Arden Coaching)
​